I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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