i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
