Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
should my penis look like a turkey
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
