Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
