his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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