I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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