FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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