That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
