I must be too annoying 4 u.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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