I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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