do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
