I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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