life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
