Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
