Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
