i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
organizing the empties. That sober.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
All the doctor said was why
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
