I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
