Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
