the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
