I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
