I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize