we're chasing vodka with high fives
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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