i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
