What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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