i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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