whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
