You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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