I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So many bounce houses so little time
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
