haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize