If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize