what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
