i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
