Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
