I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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