some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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