Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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