is your mom at the bar?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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