so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
vagina is talking i cant
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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