I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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