I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
