I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
