this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize