Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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