WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
