It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
