Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
