is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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