Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
