you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
