I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
