but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dick very happy bro
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
