Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
