Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
