Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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