Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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