I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
