Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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