At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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