I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
