I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
