Rock
Scissors
Fuck
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
