turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
