It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
