i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
