they need to just BURY HIM!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
