Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
