Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
