Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
