i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
