I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
