Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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