I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
