WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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