so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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