she woke up with a sticky ear
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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