I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
