I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
