I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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