More tranny stories later!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
