I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
