We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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